Year that was...

 I usually don’t do this but this year I feel like looking back and being grateful for the vast journey that was covered, not just the personal journey but a collective journey of humankind. This year started with a major personal decision for me that altered the course of not just my life but my being. Well not exactly altered so much as brought me closer to my truer self. A self that was buried under a million wrongdoings and rightdoings and a million assumptions and what ifs. Looking closely I realize how scared and fearful the truer self was, how very fragile and that whatever may come the promise was to nurture myself and build the strength again in my weak body that had been through a whole lot of medication and treatments the previous year. 

As it would have most of the year was spent locked down and while the cravings to run off to mountains at the slight whiff of mountain air  or a small fight at home were ever present, the fact that nothing could be done about them was a relief. To be honest it was a relief to have dropped all the pretenses of “doing something” with my time as if the basic act of survival is not a truer task in itself. I did absolutely nothing and that was such a big relief. And while doing nothing a huge journey was covered from inside to out that saw sprouting of seeds, delved into fig trees, understood the craft of cooking and the satisfaction of feeding and serving those that mattered the most - my creators, my parents. But mostly a promise to strengthen myself was met with in the mundane by returning to my yoga mat day after day for my practice. 

No more seeking high from conversations over drinks or longing for roads untraveled. To stay put, to be able to ground myself in the mundane with my shaky, fearful, lost in varied dimensions being was my gift to myself. I wouldn’t stretch to say that I uncovered much but I definitely understood that there isn’t much uncovering to do but just being and enjoying. And while there may be a thousand more eons to traverse, for now it’s enough to be as is- to return humbly to gratitude and all that is rather than seeking which is not. 

For all that it gave me or all of us in varied ways, the year took me across the borders into the land called Pakistan, when me and my family crossed the so called borders one February morning to visit Guru Nanaks last resting place, introduced me to the treasure trove of spiritual wisdom in Gurbani, gave me time with a friend’s beautiful family when I got stuck during lockdown in Delhi, and the opportunity to spend time with my grandmother and watch her turn 87. It was also the year I turned back to reading and got the gift of so many books who became my truer companions along with my ever so wonderful friends with whom hours were spent conversing over a variety of topics that covered the length and breadth of our being and this universe. And of course it allowed me to continue my adventures with Chaos - my doggo child who has been my shadow for the last 6 years and a wonderful companion. 

I also became a hornbill parent and a caretaker to many trees and plants that I planted. I watched them grow and flower, kept the promise of being medicine free for most of the year and despite all the difficulties that we faced financially was grateful to still get work and get paid. 

I do feel joy to enter the newer cycle around the sun and I do hope it will be a healing journey for us and this planet. While we do have our many complaints with each other, we also find our healing with each other. So we are all we have and this mighty planet is our home and knowing that I hope we find the comfort of home wherever that might be. 

Happy new year.